Hi allI've never posted in this area before thought I'd give it a try. Here goes nuthin'.... After checking out the preview it may be easier to read this if you cut and paste it into Word or similar. We Used to Hunt Dragons The wife and I have revived the art of strolling. In today’s modern world not many folks are interested in walking for the sole purpose of going for a walk. We however go for regular evening strolls even in the rain. We walk slowly take our time and amble through the night-time city streets watching the bustle without actually taking part in it. Usually. I have on a trenchcoat and fedora (my wife says it makes me look mysterious and that’s what she likes…) and carry an umbrella-cane. It’s the limp you see. Had quite the injury there at one point. My wife is most often wearing crisp business attire very British. Looks good on her though and the skirts let me see that yes she has in fact kept her legs in excellent shape. One of the things that makes our friends fear for us is the fact that we usually stroll down dark deserted alleyways. They seem to think that we are in some danger from muggers and such but this is not the case. We tell them over and over that we don’t get mugged but they continue to worry. They would worry even more if they knew that we do get mugged almost every time. But you see they don’t know that when we were younger my wife and I used to hunt dragons. As you might be able to figure out hunting dragons is an arduous task. It involves years of training self discipline and skill. We spent a helluva lot of time going through the drills and we were the best damned team in the business when we finally packed it in. Last I heard most of our records were still unbroken. Makes a man feel good knowing that. Dragons are wily beasts and in their avoidance of human contact they have taken to living in the sewers under the cities. They come out at night to feed. Someone missing from your neighbourhood? Blame it on a hungry dragon. Remember the scare about alligators in the sewers? How people were worried about pet owners flushing their unwanted reptiles down the toilet and now they’re living down in the pipes below? Well forget about it. The dragons ate them all. We were out for our usual stroll the other evening and took a detour down a particularly dark alley. Almost at once we were approached by a young scruffy man who demanded our money and valuables.“I think not young man,” said my wife. I smiled and nodded my agreement with her. He’s right on cue. I thought to myself.”I got a gun,” he said. “and if you don’t give me what I want. I’ll kill you!”We looked. Sure as shootin’ (no pun intended folks) he produced a gun from one of his pockets.“Oh my,“ said my wife from behind raised eyebrows. Then she frowned. “I don’t think you understand. You see we used to hunt dragons.”“Yeah. OK so you’re both nuts whatever just give me your money!“No. I don’t think so,” I said. “As my wife says we used to hunt dragons. And believe me dragons are far more dangerous than you son.”“I ain’t yer son and give me your cash!” Now he was really getting angry. He was fidgeting and he kept looking toward the street behind us probably fearing that more people may appear and spoil his attempt at mugging us. “Oh dear. Young man you are being so very impolite.” That’s my wife always a stickler for manners. “Don’t you know you should respect your elders? After all we used to hunt dragons.”“Stop saying that! There’s no such things as dragons!”“I beg to differ son they do exist and they are very dangerous,” I said.“Yes,” said my wife. “ I still remember the last time we went on a hunt. What was it dear about thirty years ago?”“Yep something like that.,” I replied. The lad was getting really nervous but for some reason he was listening. They always do. I think it’s her English accent makes everyone think of their school teacher. My wife continued:“Yes we dropped into the sewer pipe and right away we could smell him. He smelled like a big one and no mistake! But that was all right because we just loved a smashing good fight. At any rate we searched a number of hours for his hiding spot sloshing through the liquid waste search beams panning back and forth along the walls…” She went on her somewhat hypnotic voice keeping the mugger in a thrall as she told her story. She told about finding the dragon and surprising it while it was asleep so that it was real easy to dispose of.“…we were quite disappointed mind you we had been anticipating a good fight but oh well we had a job to do after all. We finished the big beast off and then began to make our way out of the sewers. It was at this point we discovered that the one we had just killed was a mum and that she had three dragonettes with her. One of them surprised us and managed to get a good bite out of my husband’s left leg. Perhaps you noticed his limp? In the ensuing melee we killed two of the little ones and seriously wounded the third but we didn’t have the heart to finish him off. Oh he was such a sad looking little creature!”At this point. I took over the narrative. “Oh hon you are so sentimental! Yes son we took that little guy home fixed him up and made him our pet.”“Are you two saying you had a pet dragon? You are crazy!”“No son we aren’t crazy and the word is ‘have’ not ‘had’. Yes raising one of those little suckers is tough work. Did you know that the sewer dragon doesn’t shoot flame? No indeed it’s a steam breather. Open flame in the sewers with all that methane gas? Don’t think so! Superheated steam is the best route down there. Do you have any idea how hard it is to feed a nine hundred pound dragon? They’re carnivores you know meat-eaters and they eat their own body weight once a week. That gets expensive!”I smiled. The smile that I smiled must have been a little on the mean side because the mugger looked a little startled and raised his gun. My wife sighed. “He still doesn’t understand,” she said. And at that point. I think he did clue in. He looked kinda spooked as he glanced down the side alley but only for a second. A blast of superheated steam caught him full in the chest and parboiled him instantly. The poor boy didn’t even have time to scream. My wife and I linked arms and continued our stroll. She chuckled in what I felt was quite a bloodthirsty (and totally un-British) manner as the crunching chewing sounds faded behind us.”To think that we used to hunt dragons!” She said. “They make such excellent pets!”_________________"Life's too short to get wrapped around the axle about the little things." - SK-The First Law of Geography: Everything is Connected to Everything Else.
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